We all know the drill when mid-February rolls around. There are class parties to plan, little cards to sign, and a whole lot of sugar flying around the kitchen. Sometimes, we call it “Hearts Day” just to take the pressure off the big romantic expectations and focus on the fun instead.
If you need a giggle today, here is one to start us off: “Why did the person break up with their cardio machine? Because it just wasn’t a ‘heart-to-heart’ relationship.”
I know how hard it can be to find safe, family-friendly humor online. That is why I gathered this list of the best Hearts Day jokes for everyone. These are perfect February 14th jokes for family dinners, and they even work as clean Hearts Day jokes for seniors at the community center. You won’t have to worry about inappropriate punchlines here.
Letās get pumping! š
My Top 3 Favorites
I read through dozens of jokes to make this list, but these three actually made me laugh out loud while I was sipping my morning coffee.
“What did the stamp say to the envelope on Hearts Day? I am stuck on you!”
“Why do skunks celebrate Hearts Day? Because they are very scent-imental creatures.”
“What did one pickle say to the other? You mean a great dill to me.”
šļø Fun Finds for Humor Lovers
- š The Big Book of Silly Jokes for Kids
- š Novelty “I Paused My Game” T-Shirt
- š Funny Coffee Mug for Moms
- š Lunchbox Note Cards Set
Puns & Wordplay š
These lighthearted quips are great if you are looking for cute heart puns for social media captions or just some non-romantic Hearts Day puns to share with friends. They are sweet without being too mushy.
1.
“I tried to send you a Hearts Day card, but it got stuck in the mailbox. I guess you could say the post office really delivered.”
2.
“To my favorite coffee lover: I love you a latte.”
3.
“I wanted to buy a bakery for Hearts Day, but I couldn’t raise the dough. I knead you anyway.”
4.
“You are the pineapple of my eye.”
5.
“Are you a banana? Because I find you very a-peel-ing.”
6.
“I know it’s cheesy, but I think you are grate.”
7.
“You must be a geologist because you rock my world.”
8.
“I love you from my head tomatoes.”
9.
“Let’s commit the perfect crime. I’ll steal your heart, and you steal mine.”
10.
“Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda only one for me.”
Riddles for Kids š
If you are packing lunchboxes or helping with a class party, you need short Hearts Day puns for kids. These are also easy-to-share Hearts Day riddles that will make them giggle on the playground.
11.
“What did the ghost say to his sweetheart? You look so boo-tiful today!”
12.
“What kind of flower do you never give on Hearts Day? Cauliflower!”
13.
“What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel? I am nuts about you.”
14.
“Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn’t find a date.”
15.
“What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A stamp on a love letter.”
16.
“What did the calculator say to the pencil? You can count on me.”
17.
“What did the bat say to his girlfriend? Let’s hang out together.”
18.
“What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.”
19.
“What did the octopus say to his valentine? I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.”
20.
“What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!”
Social Media Captions šø
We all love a good photo opportunity. These funny heart themed jokes for students and moms alike are perfect for your Instagram or TikTok feed. They show off your witty personality.
21.
“Iām not yours, Iām not hers, Iām sāmores. #SweetTreats”
22.
“If you were a triangle, youād be acute one. #GeometryHumor”
23.
“Love is in the air? Wrong. Nitrogen, Oxygen, and Argon are in the air. #ScienceFacts”
24.
“I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge. #SnackTime”
25.
“You have a pizza my heart. #FoodieLove”
26.
“Iād press pause on my favorite game for you. #TrueLove”
27.
“Youāre like my favorite sweaterāwarm and fuzzy. #CozyVibes”
28.
“Just a girl standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut. #HeartsDayTreats”
29.
“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d rather be napping than writing this to you. #Honesty”
30.
“My relationship status? Waiting for a miracle. #SingleLife”
Workplace Humor šļø
Bring some wholesome Hearts Day humor for work to the office this year. These are safe for the company chat and might just brighten up a boring meeting.
31.
“Why did the manager break up with the calendar? Their days were numbered.”
32.
“To my favorite coworker: You make work bearable. Thatās the highest compliment I have.”
33.
“I love my job. Just kidding, I love payday. Happy Hearts Day!”
34.
“What is an office worker’s favorite type of candy? Employ-mints.”
35.
“Why did the paper clip say to the magnet? I find you very attractive.”
36.
“Our team goes together like copy and paste.”
37.
“You are just my type. Said the keyboard to the screen.”
38.
“Why did the light bulb love the switch? Because it really turned him on. (Okay, maybe save this for close work friends!)”
39.
“Thanks for always being there when the wifi goes down.”
40.
“Roses are red, spreadsheets are gray, letās leave early for Hearts Day.”
Quick One-Liners ā”
These are fantastic printable Hearts Day jokes for cards. If you need the best Hearts Day jokes for everyone in a hurry, these quick one-liners pack a punch.
41.
“What did the painter say to her boyfriend? I love you with all my art.”
42.
“Iām no photographer, but I can picture us together.”
43.
“What did the drum say to the sticks? My heart beats for you.”
44.
“Are you a cat? Because you are purr-fect.”
45.
“What did the left eyebrow say to the right? You look surprised to see me.”
46.
“You are one in a melon.”
47.
“I love you berry much.”
48.
“You are the loaf of my life.”
49.
“We make a great pear.”
50.
“Whale you be mine?”
Your Questions Answered š§
What are some clean and funny Hearts Day jokes for a general audience?
The best jokes are ones that rely on wordplay rather than romance. My list of best Hearts Day jokes for everyone above includes puns about food, animals, and office supplies that are safe for any age group.
Can you find short heart-themed puns that are appropriate for school?
Absolutely. The “Riddles for Kids” section above is full of short Hearts Day puns for kids that are perfect for the classroom. They are silly, simple, and won’t get anyone in trouble with the teacher.
What are the best Hearts Day one-liners to write in a greeting card?
If you are staring at a blank card, look at the “Quick One-Liners” section. These are ideal printable Hearts Day jokes for cards because they are short, sweet, and fit perfectly on a small note.
Conclusion
I hope these best Hearts Day jokes for everyone bring a little sunshine to your February. Whether you use them for lunchbox notes or a text to a friend, laughter is always a good gift.
Where can I find a list of easy-to-read jokes for a Hearts Day party? Right here, so bookmark it before your brain turns to mush from all that pink glitter.
Don’t let your friends suffer through boring greeting cardsāshare this with them!
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