Letās be honest for a second. Valentine’s Day is basically the “don’t mess this up” Olympics for couples. You want to be romantic, but finding relatable Valentineās humor for long-term partners is honestly harder than getting a dinner reservation on February 14th.
We all know the struggle of staring at the card aisle, hoping a generic poem will fix everything. But this year, we are skipping the sappy stress. I have put together a massive list of Funny Valentineās Day jokes for couples that will save you from being boring.
Whether you need a caption for Instagram or just want to make your husband laugh while he does the dishes, Iāve got you covered. These are clean, fun, and perfect for keeping the spark alive without the cringe.
Let’s dive into the pun-demonium š
My Top 3 Favorites
These are the ones that actually made me giggle today while drinking my coffee.
“Love is spending the rest of your life with someone who you want to kill and not doing it because youād miss them.”
“I love you with all my butt. I would say heart, but my butt is bigger.”
“Marriage has no guarantees. If thatās what youāre looking for, go live with a car battery.”
šļø Fun Finds for Humor Lovers
- š The Ultimate Game for Couples
- š Knock Knock Why You’re So Awesome Fill-in-the-Love Journal
- š Funny Couple Coffee Mugs
- š Dad Jokes: The Good, The Bad, The Terrible
Punny Love Day One-Liners š
If you are looking for Clean Love Day puns for him that are safe for work but still hilarious, you are in the right place. These Corny Love Day one-liners are perfect for texts or sticky notes on the fridge.
1.
“Youāve stolen a pizza my heart.”
2.
“I love you a latte.”
3.
“We make a great pear.”
4.
“Iām soy into you.”
5.
“You are one in a melon.”
6.
“Donāt go bacon my heart.”
7.
“I love you from my head tomatoes.”
8.
“Youāre my butter half.”
9.
“Letās taco ābout how much I love you.”
10.
“I find you a-peel-ing.”
11.
“You occupy a peach of my heart.”
12.
“We are mint to be.”
13.
“I love you berry much.”
14.
“You are the loaf of my life.”
15.
“Olive you so much.”
16.
“You bake me crazy.”
17.
“Iām nuts about you.”
18.
“Life would be un-bear-able without you.”
19.
“Youāre simply the zest.”
20.
“My heart beets for you.”
Relatable Relationship Humor for Couples š·
Living together is a comedy all on its own. These Funny relationship jokes for adults capture the real struggle of sharing a life (and a blanket). Here are some Witty marriage jokes for Valentineās Day that feel a little too real.
21.
“Marriage is just texting each other ‘Do we need anything from the store?’ until one of you dies.”
22.
“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.”
23.
“Relationship status: sleeping in the middle of the bed diagonally.”
24.
“Love is being stupid together.”
25.
“Being married means screaming ‘What?’ from another room.”
26.
“I promise to always be by your side. Or under you. Or on top.”
27.
“Love is sharing your popcorn. Marriage is buying your own popcorn so you donāt have to share.”
28.
“90% of being married is just shouting ‘What?’ from other rooms.”
29.
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
30.
“Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
31.
“My husband and I have a great relationship. He has the remote, and I have the patience.”
32.
“Marriage is a workshopā¦ where husband works and wife shops.”
33.
“The four most important words in any marriage: Iāll do the dishes.”
34.
“Love is hiding who you really are at all costs.”
35.
“Relationships are like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.”
36.
“I love you even when Iām hungry.”
37.
“Marriage is just two people asking each other where the other one put something.”
38.
“Letās cuddle so I can steal your body heat.”
39.
“You are the only person I would share my snacks with.”
40.
“I love you enough to pause my game.”
Cheesy Pick-Up Lines That Actually Work š§
Sometimes you just need Cheesy love puns for couples to make them smile. These Short romantic jokes for cards are so bad, they are actually good. Use these when you want a guaranteed eye-roll and a laugh.
41.
“Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.”
42.
“Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”
43.
“Is your name Google? Because you have everything Iāve been searching for.”
44.
“Are you a parking ticket? Because youāve got FINE written all over you.”
45.
“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”
46.
“If you were a vegetable, youād be a cute-cumber.”
47.
“Do you have a Band-Aid? I scraped my knee falling for you.”
48.
“Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.”
49.
“Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?”
50.
“Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.”
51.
“If I could rearrange the alphabet, Iād put U and I together.”
52.
“You must be a broom, because you just swept me off my feet.”
53.
“Are you a time traveler? Because I see you in my future.”
54.
“Is your dad a boxer? Because youāre a knockout!”
55.
“Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because youāre CuTe.”
56.
“Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda one for me.”
57.
“Iām not a photographer, but I can picture us together.”
58.
“Are you a campfire? Because youāre hot and I want sāmore.”
59.
“If you were a fruit, youād be a fine-apple.”
60.
“Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest.”
Funny Valentineās Day Card Messages š
If you forgot to buy a card and are panicking, these Humorous Love Day captions for Instagram will save the day. They double as perfect Short romantic jokes for cards when you don’t know what to write.
61.
“Happy Valentineās Day to the person who knows how I take my coffee.”
62.
“I love you more than pizza. And I really love pizza.”
63.
“Thanks for being my emergency contact.”
64.
“Youāre my favorite notification.”
65.
“Iām so glad you swiped right.”
66.
“Thanks for putting up with my crazy.”
67.
“I love you more than yesterdayā¦ yesterday you got on my nerves.”
68.
“Youāre the only person I send heart emojis to.”
69.
“Happy Valentineās Day! I got you me.”
70.
“There is no one else Iād rather lie in bed and look at my phone next to.”
71.
“I plan on bugging you for a long, long time.”
72.
“Youāre lucky Iām not a psychopath. Happy Valentineās Day!”
73.
“I love you even when you snore.”
74.
“Thanks for killing all the spiders.”
75.
“Youāre my favorite husband so far.”
76.
“I love you more than I love napping. Wait, letās not get crazy.”
77.
“Youāre the cheese to my macaroni.”
78.
“Iām yours. No refunds.”
79.
“Happy Valentineās Day to my favorite blanket thief.”
80.
“We go together like drunk and disorderly.”
Sweet but Corny Jokes for Him and Her š¬
These Cute Valentine jokes for girlfriend are gentle and sweet. If you need Sweet and funny jokes for boyfriend that aren’t too sarcastic, these are your best bet for a shared smile.
81.
“Knock, knock. Whoās there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you!”
82.
“What did the volcano say to his wife? I lava you.”
83.
“What did the paper clip say to the magnet? I find you very attractive.”
84.
“Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.”
85.
“What did the stamp say to the envelope? Iām stuck on you.”
86.
“What kind of flower should you never give on Valentineās Day? Cauliflower.”
87.
“Why do skunks celebrate Valentineās Day? Because they are scent-imental.”
88.
“What did the light bulb say to the switch? You turn me on.”
89.
“What did the cat say to his girlfriend? Youāre purr-fect.”
90.
“Why did the phone propose to the wifi? Because they had a connection.”
91.
“What did one boat say to the other? Are you up for a little row-mance?”
92.
“How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.”
93.
“What did the ghost say to his valentine? You look boo-tiful.”
94.
“Why shouldnāt you fall in love with a pastry chef? Heāll dessert you.”
95.
“What did the painter say to her boyfriend? I love you with all my art.”
96.
“What did the bat say to his valentine? Youāre fun to hang around with.”
97.
“Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldnāt find a date.”
98.
“What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? I love you a ton.”
99.
“What did the calculator say to the pencil? You can count on me.”
100.
“Why did the soccer ball quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around.”
Your Questions Answered š§
What are some funny and clean jokes to tell my partner on Valentineās Day?
Clean humor doesn’t have to be boring humor. Try a simple pun like “I love you a latte” or a situational joke about how you love them more than your morning coffee (but only barely).
Can you give me a list of relatable relationship puns for Love Day?
Puns are the ultimate low-effort tool for romance because they show you care enough to be silly. Things like “We make a great pear” or “I’m nuts about you” are classic for a reason.
What are some hilarious jokes for married couples to share on Love Day?
For married couples, the funniest jokes are about the things you survive together. Think about jokes regarding thermostat wars, stealing the covers, or deciding whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher.
Conclusion
Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be stressful or super serious. Using Funny Valentineās Day jokes for couples is honestly the best way to survive the holiday without crying into a box of discount chocolates.
Laughing together is one of the best gifts you can give each other. What are the best cheesy jokes for a Valentineās Day card? Well, you just read 100 of them, so you have plenty of options now!
Share this list with your partner before they beat you to the punchline. Or don’t, and just pretend you’re this naturally hilarious. We won’t tell.
Have a wonderful, laughter-filled Love Day š¹.
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