53 Silly Valentines Day Jokes for Everyone That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud That Actually Work
Valentine’s Day: The one day of the year where “I love you” is measured by the price of a dead plant and a box of chocolates that are 40% air.
Letās be honest, mamas. Between the school parties, the glitter glue disasters, and trying to plan a “romantic” dinner that doesn’t involve chicken nuggets, this holiday can feel like a lot of pressure. Sometimes, the best way to survive is just to laugh about it.
If you are looking for funny valentines day jokes to lighten the mood, or just some cheesy valentines day puns to scribble on a card five minutes before your husband gets home, Iāve got you covered.
Iāve gathered a mix of valentine jokes for adults clean enough for family dinner, and silly valentine puns for instagram captions so you don’t have to overthink it. No stress, just giggles.
Give me your best “cringe-free” promise š.
My Top 3 Favorites
Here are the ones that actually made me giggle in the carpool line today.
“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.”
“Love is being stupid together. Which basically sums us up perfectly.”
“Youāre the only person I would share my snacks with. Maybe.”
āØ šļø Fun Finds for Humor Lovers āØ
If you love a good laugh, these little finds are perfect for adding some joy to your home (or your coffee break).
- š Knock Knock Vouchers for Lovers
- š Funny Valentine’s Day T-Shirt
- š Things I’d Do for Love Mug
- š The Big Book of Dad Jokes
Valentine Puns for Couples š
Marriage is beautiful, but let’s be realāit’s mostly just asking each other what to eat for dinner until one of you dies. These corny valentines day jokes for boyfriend or husband are perfect for keeping it real. If you need cute valentine puns for her, these work great too!
1. For the partner who “borrows” everything.
“I love you even though you steal the covers. Thatās real commitment.”
2. For the long-term couple.
“I love you with all my butt. I would say heart, but my butt is bigger.”
3. For the realist.
“You’re my favorite pain in the neck.”
4. For the tech-addicted couple.
“I love you more than my phone. Okay, maybe just as much as my phone.”
5. For the indecisive diners.
“I love you enough to let you pick the restaurant… but I will veto your first three choices.”
6. For the handy husband.
“I find you very a-peeling. Like a banana, but with more tools.”
7. For the snoring spouse.
“I love you even when you sound like a chainsaw at 3 AM.”
8. For the thermostat wars.
“You warm my heart, even if you freeze the rest of the house.”
9. For the honest card writer.
“Thereās no one else Iād rather lie in bed and look at my phone next to.”
10. For the logical lover.
“You’re the only person I want to annoy for the rest of my life.”
11. For the electricity bill.
“You light up my life, and my electric bill.”
12. For the cozy couple.
“I love you s’more every day.”
13. For the supportive partner.
“Thanks for keeping all my secrets. Mostly because you weren’t listening anyway.”
14. For the messy spouse.
“I love you even though you don’t know where the hamper is.”
15. For the simple romance.
“You’ll do.”
Food-Themed Valentine Jokes š
Food is a love language all on its own. If you are looking for cheesy valentines day puns, there is nothing safer than pizza and tacos. These are great for new relationships or just making the kids laugh in their lunchboxes.
16. For the pizza lover.
“Youāve stolen a pizza my heart.”
17. For the berry sweet friend.
“I love you berry much.”
18. For the breakfast fan.
“Donut know what Iād do without you.”
19. For the coffee addict.
“Words cannot espresso how much you mean to me.”
20. For the noodle fan.
“Iām soy into you.”
21. For the veggie lover.
“I love you from my head tomatoes.”
22. For the perfect pair.
“We go together like peanut butter and jelly.”
23. For the taco Tuesday crew.
“Let’s taco ’bout how awesome you are.”
24. For the baker.
“You make my heart beat a little faster. Or maybe it’s the sugar.”
25. For the sushi date.
“Youāre my soy-mate.”
26. For the cheese board fan.
“Will you brie mine?”
27. For the fruit lover.
“You are one in a melon.”
28. For the salty snack lover.
“Don’t go bacon my heart.”
29. For the soup enthusiast.
“Youāre souper!”
30. For the sweet tooth.
“Life is batter with you.”
Silly Animal Valentine Puns š¾
Sometimes you just need last minute valentine card puns that are universally cute. Whether it’s an otter or a bee, these puns bring a lighthearted mood that works for anyone.
31. For the water lover.
“You are otterly amazing.”
32. For the busy bee.
“Bee mine?”
33. For the cat lady.
“You are purr-fect for me.”
34. For the dog dad.
“I pug-in love you.”
35. For the farm fan.
“I love you like no otter… wait, that’s the other one. I love ewe!”
36. For the wise one.
“Owl always love you.”
37. For the slow mover.
“I turtle-y love you.”
38. For the bear hugger.
“I can’t bear to be without you.”
39. For the fishing fan.
“I’m hooked on you.”
40. For the dino lover.
“You are dino-mite!”
41. For the bunny fan.
“Some-bunny loves you.”
42. For the frog catcher.
“Youāre toad-ally awesome.”
43. For the lion heart.
“Iām not lion, youāre the best.”
44. For the whale watcher.
“Whale you be my Valentine?”
45. For the pig fan.
“Hogs and kisses!”
Anti-Valentine Jokes for Singles š·
If you are flying solo this year, embrace it! These funny single on valentines day jokes are all about celebrating the freedom of not sharing your dessert. Letās be a little sarcastic and enjoy the quiet.
46. For the independent spirit.
“Happy Independence Day! Oh wait, wrong holiday.”
47. For the chocolate lover.
“My Valentine is dark, rich, and sweet. Itās chocolate.”
48. For the budgeter.
“Iām saving so much money today.”
49. For the realist.
“Love is in the air? Try not to breathe.”
50. For the wine enthusiast.
“Sip happens. Happy Galentine’s Day.”
51. For the pizza date.
“Pizza is my Valentine. It never disappoints.”
52. For the pet parent.
“My dog is the only boy I need.”
53. For the cynic.
“Cupid rhymes with stupid.”
54. For the remote controller.
“Netflix is my boyfriend.”
55. For the sleeper.
“Iām going to spend Valentineās Day with my true love… my pillow.”
56. For the self-love advocate.
“I bought myself flowers. I have great taste.”
57. For the anti-social.
“Avoid the crowds, eat the candy.”
58. For the gym goer.
“My heart races… on the treadmill.”
59. For the garlic lover.
“I can eat as much garlic bread as I want today.”
60. For the survivor.
“Survived another Valentine’s Day without crying in public. Win.”
Short One-Liners for Card Messages š
Got small handwriting or just forgot to buy a gift? These short valentines day one liners and funny valentine card messages are perfect for filling that blank space quickly.
61. Short and sweet.
“Youāre okay, I guess.”
62. The honest truth.
“I tolerate you the most.”
63. The playful jab.
“Youāre lucky to have me.”
64. The simple fact.
“Youāre my favorite weirdo.”
65. The direct approach.
“Be mine. No refunds.”
66. The minimalist.
“Happy V-Day.”
67. The compliment.
“You don’t stink.”
68. The reality check.
“You’re stuck with me.”
69. The distraction.
“Look, I bought a card!”
70. The sweet one.
“You make me smile.”
71. The classic.
“XOXO and all that.”
72. The hungry one.
“Let’s eat.”
73. The tired one.
“Let’s nap together.”
74. The grateful one.
“Thanks for being you.”
75. The final word.
“Love ya.”
Corny Knock-Knock Valentine Jokes šŖ
These are the ultimate “Dad jokes.” If you need valentine jokes for adults clean enough for the kids to hear, these knock-knock jokes are family-friendly but guaranteed to make your teenager roll their eyes.
76. The olive joke.
“Knock, knock.” “Whoās there?” “Olive.” “Olive who?” “Olive you!”
77. The frank joke.
“Knock, knock.” “Whoās there?” “Frank.” “Frank who?” “Frank you for being my Valentine!”
78. The howard joke.
“Knock, knock.” “Whoās there?” “Howard.” “Howard who?” “Howard you like a big kiss?”
79. The luke joke.
“Knock, knock.” “Whoās there?” “Luke.” “Luke who?” “Luke who likes you!”
80. The sherwood joke.
“Knock, knock.” “Whoās there?” “Sherwood.” “Sherwood who?” “Sherwood like to be your Valentine.”
81. The peas joke.
“Knock, knock.” “Whoās there?” “Peas.” “Peas who?” “Peas be mine!”
82. The al joke.
“Knock, knock.” “Whoās there?” “Al.” “Al who?” “Al be your Valentine if you be mine.”
83. The justin joke.
“Knock, knock.” “Whoās there?” “Justin.” “Justin who?” “Justin time to say I love you!”
84. The water joke.
“Knock, knock.” “Whoās there?” “Water.” “Water who?” “Water you doing tonight?”
85. The eye joke.
“Knock, knock.” “Whoās there?” “Eye.” “Eye who?” “Eye love you!”
86. The honeydew joke.
“Knock, knock.” “Whoās there?” “Honeydew.” “Honeydew who?” “Honeydew you know how much I love you?”
Valentineās Day Captions for Social Media šø
We all know the struggle of finding the perfect caption. These silly valentine puns for instagram captions and valentines day jokes for friends are great for that blurry selfie or the staged dinner photo.
87. For the rare dressed-up photo.
“We cleaned up well. Don’t get used to it.”
88. For the silly selfie.
“I love you even when we look like this.”
89. For the food pic.
“I only have eyes for… these tacos.”
90. For the candid shot.
“Caught in the act of being us.”
91. For the blurry photo.
“Blurry but happy.”
92. For the friend group.
“Who needs a Valentine when you have this crew?”
93. For the couple pic.
“He bought me food, so I guess I’ll keep him.”
94. For the solo shot.
“Me, myself, and wine.”
95. For the funny face.
“This is our good side.”
96. For the classic pose.
“Just here for the chocolate.”
97. For the throwback.
“Still tolerate you after all these years.”
98. For the cozy vibe.
“Sweatpants are our love language.”
99. For the outdoorsy pic.
“You rock my world.”
100. For the messy house background.
“Real love is ignoring the laundry pile behind us.”
101. For the final post of the day.
“And now, we sleep.”
Your Valentine’s Day Questions Answered š§
What are some funny valentines day jokes that aren’t too cringey?
The key is “relatable sarcasm” rather than overly sentimental fluff. Jokes about stealing blankets, deciding on dinner, or being tired parents usually land better than poetic verses because they feel real!
Give me a list of silly valentine puns for a boyfriend’s card.
Try these quick ones: “I love you with all my butt,” “You’re my favorite pain in the neck,” or “You stole my heart, but please give the covers back.”
What are some short and funny valentine’s day captions for Instagram?
Focus on aesthetic vs. reality. “We cleaned up well,” “Blurry but happy,” or “I love you more than my phone (almost)” are always hits.
Tell me some cheesy valentine’s day jokes that will actually make someone laugh.
Humor is subjective, but food puns have a 99% success rate. Everyone loves a good “You’ve stolen a pizza my heart” or “Donut know what I’d do without you.”
What are some funny valentines day puns for friends and singles?
Lean into the “Galentine’s” vibe. “Fries before guys,” “Pizza is my Valentine,” or “Sip happens” are great for celebrating friendship and freedom.
Whether you used these funny valentines day jokes to get a laugh or just to fill space in a card, we hope your day is filled with more chocolate than awkwardness.
What are some funny valentines day puns for friends and singles that we missed? Comment them below before you fall into a chocolate coma!
And good luck out there, you hopeless romantics.
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