Hello there, sweet friend.
I was telling my husband the other day that he is the absolute best thing that ever happened to me. Then I paused and remembered that double-bacon cheeseburger I had in 2019. It was a close call.
Let’s be honest, modern dating (and marriage!) is less about rose petals on the bed and more about finding someone who will pause the TV show when you go to the bathroom. If you are tired of the sappy card aisle, you are in the right place.
I’ve put together this list of funny valentine’s day jokes for boyfriend to help you keep things lighthearted this year. Whether you need romantic puns for boyfriend to put on a gift tag, or just some funny valentine captions for him to post on Instagram, this list will save you from being boring.
Let’s dive in and have a laugh together 👇.
My Top 3 Favorites
These are the ones that actually made me giggle today (and might make him roll his eyes, which is a win in my book).
“I love you with all my butt. I would say heart, but my butt is bigger.”
“You’re the only person I would share my snacks with. Maybe.”
“I love you a latte. More than my morning coffee? Let’s not get crazy.”
✨ 🛍️ Fun Finds for Humor Lovers ✨
Corny Valentine’s Day Puns for Him 🌽
If you love a good eye-roll, these corny valentine jokes for boyfriend are perfect. I love adding cheesy valentine’s day puns for him to little notes around the house.
- When you want to tell him he is your favorite slice of life.
“You’ve stolen a pizza my heart.”
- Perfect for the guy who loves his morning brew as much as he loves you.
“I cannot espresso how much you mean to me.”
- A sweet fruit pun that works great for a healthy snack note.
“We make a really great pear.”
- If he is handy around the house or just really clingy.
“I am stuck on you like glue.”
- For the boyfriend who brightens up your worst days.
“You turn me on… literally, like a light switch.”
- A veggie pun that is simple, sweet, and classic.
“I love you from my head to-ma-toes.”
- When you want to be dramatic about the size of your love.
“I whale always love you.”
- If you are a cat mom, this one is non-negotiable.
“You are absolutely purr-fect for me.”
- A little nature humor for the outdoorsy guy.
“Owl always love you.”
- When the chemistry is just explosive.
“I lava you so much.”
Cheesy One-Liners to Make Him Smile 🧀
Sometimes you just need cute valentine’s day one liners for boyfriend that are so bad, they are good. These are pure cheese!
- Accuse him of a crime, but make it romantic.
“Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart!”
- A classic line for when you are feeling bookish.
“Are you a library book? Because I am checking you out.”
- A tech joke that is actually kind of sweet.
“Are you a keyboard? Because you are just my type.”
- When you catch him staring at you.
“Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes.”
- Pretend you got hurt falling in love.
“Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I scraped my knee falling for you.”
- Use this one if he likes Star Wars or sci-fi.
“Yoda one for me.”
- A little play on numbers.
“On a scale of 1 to 10, you are the only 1 for me.”
- Blame gravity for how much you like him.
“I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.”
- Compare him to a search engine.
“Are you Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.”
- A sweet astronomy joke.
“I must be a snowflake, because I’ve fallen for you.”
Funny Valentine’s Day Card Messages for Your Boyfriend 💌
Staring at a blank card is the worst. Here are some funny valentine’s day card messages for him that range from sweet to sassy.
- Acknowledge that you are the better half.
“I love you more than I love annoying you. Which is a lot.”
- The truest test of love is temperature control.
“I love you for your heart, but mostly for your warm body heat in bed.”
- When you need to thank him for handling your crazy side.
“Thanks for being my partner in crime and for not calling the cops on me.”
- Admit that your cooking isn’t the reason he stays.
“Happy Valentine’s Day to the one who still eats my burnt toast.”
- The ultimate compliment in modern times.
“I love you more than I love my phone. (Okay, almost more).”
- For the guy who kills the bugs.
“You are my knight in shining armor… mainly because you kill the spiders.”
- When you know you are a handful.
“Congratulations on having the best girlfriend in the world.”
- A little reminder that he is stuck with you.
“No refunds! Happy Valentine’s Day!”
- Honesty is the best policy.
“You’re my favorite person to text… 67 times in a row.”
- Acknowledging his patience.
“Thanks for putting up with my hanger (hungry anger).”
Short & Sweet Jokes for a Quick Text 📱
Need valentines day jokes for boyfriend short enough for a text? These short valentines day jokes for boyfriend are quick and punchy.
- A science joke for the smart guy.
“We have great chemistry!”
- Simple and straight to the point.
“You’re neat!” (With a whiskey emoji)
- A little food humor.
“Don’t go bacon my heart.”
- For the guy who likes sweets.
“You’re a total stud muffin.”
- When you feel electrically charged.
“You’re shocking!”
- A classic fruit pun.
“You’re one in a melon.”
- If he likes geology.
“You rock my world.”
- A quick bee pun.
“Bee mine?”
- For the adventurous couple.
“Let’s taco ’bout love.”
- Simple affection.
“I’m nuts about you.”
Heartfelt Humor: Funny Quotes About Dating 🥂
These heartfelt but funny valentine quotes for him capture the real, messy, beautiful chaos of sharing a life together.
- The reality of sharing food on a date.
“Love is not having to say you are sorry for stealing his fries.”
- The struggle of deciding what to eat.
“Love is spending 20 minutes deciding where to eat and still picking the same place.”
- Watching shows without him is the ultimate betrayal.
“I promise not to watch the next episode without you (unless I get really bored).”
- Dealing with nighttime noises.
“Love is waking me up to tell me I’m snoring, and me believing you.”
- Being weird together is the goal.
“I love that we can be weird together in public.”
- The definition of a perfect date.
“A perfect date is us, pajamas, and takeout.”
- When patience wears thin but love remains.
“I love you even when I’m hungry.”
- The compromise of temperature.
“Love is letting you have the fan on even when I’m freezing.”
- Sharing the blanket struggle.
“I love you enough to give you 10% of the blanket.”
- Just being there.
“Love is just being stupid together.”
Sarcastic Valentine’s Day Jokes for Long-Term Couples 🙄
When the honeymoon phase is over, you need funny valentine captions for him that keep it real.
- For the couple that has been together forever.
“I love you more than yesterday… yesterday you were really annoying.”
- Acknowledging the aging process.
“I love you, even though you’re getting gray hair.”
- The ultimate long-term compliment.
“You’re my favorite husband so far.”
- When household chores are a love language.
“Nothing says romance like you loading the dishwasher correctly.”
- Celebrating endurance.
“We’ve been together so long, I can’t remember who is the bad influence.”
- The reality of “Netflix and Chill”.
“Let’s Netflix and actually watch the movie.”
- Admit that you are the lucky one (jokingly).
“You’re so lucky to have me.”
- When silence is golden.
“I love that we can sit in silence and look at our phones together.”
- The toilet seat struggle.
“I love you, please put the seat down.”
- Just happy to be here.
“Thanks for not being tired of me yet.”
Cute Knock-Knock Jokes for Valentine’s Day ✊
Who doesn’t love a classic? These valentines day knock knock jokes for adults are cheeky and fun.
- A sweet olive pun.
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Olive.”
“Olive who?”
“Olive you so much!”
- A little classic rock reference.
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Frank.”
“Frank who?”
“Frank you for loving me!”
- Getting a little demanding.
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Peas.”
“Peas who?”
“Peas be mine!”
- A playful question.
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Sherry.”
“Sherry who?”
“Sherry me?”
- A classic eye roller.
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Honeydew.”
“Honeydew who?”
“Honeydew you know how much I love you?”
- A little assertive.
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Al.”
“Al who?”
“Al give you a kiss if you open this door!”
- Seeing the future.
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Luke.”
“Luke who?”
“Luke who loves you!”
- Simple water pun.
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Water.”
“Water who?”
“Water you doing later tonight?”
- A bit of disbelief.
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Eyeball.”
“Eyeball who?”
“Eyeball believe we found each other!”
- A historical twist.
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Atlas.”
“Atlas who?”
“Atlas, it is Valentine’s Day!”
YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED 🧐
What are some funny things to write in a Valentine’s Day card for my boyfriend?
I always suggest focusing on the little things you annoy each other with! Mention his gaming habits, or how you can never decide what to eat for dinner. It makes it feel personal and real.
How can I make my boyfriend laugh on Valentine’s Day?
Try some “anti-romance” humor. Instead of being super sappy, use one of the puns above to catch him off guard. A funny text in the middle of the work day works wonders too.
What are some short and cute puns for a boyfriend’s Valentine gift tag?
Keep it tiny! “We make a great pear” with a drawing of a pear, or “You’re my cup of tea” are adorable and fit perfectly on a small tag.
Can you give me funny Valentine’s Day Instagram caption ideas for my boyfriend?
A mix of sarcasm and sweetness is best. Try something like: “I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.”
Using funny valentine’s day jokes for boyfriend is truly the best way to make sure February 14th isn’t just another boring day. It brings a spark back that flowers just can’t match.
What are the best corny Valentine’s Day jokes for him that you’ve ever used?
Share this list with your sarcastic girlfriends before they end up buying a singing teddy bear! 🧸
Save this for later 🤍
