100 Best Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes: Spice Up Your V-Day with a Hilarious Quote

Valentine’s Day is a time for love and laughter! Whether you are single or taken, funny Valentine’s Day quotes can bring a smile to your face.

Here are some of our favourite funny valentine sayings to make your day a little brighter. From sweet and sentimental to funny and sassy, these quotes are sure too bring a smile to the one you love. Share a laugh with your special someone this Valentine’s Day!

Do not worry, these Valentine Day Puns that you can refer you’re husband, wife and boyfriend, girlfriend (Him and Her).

These valentine funny messages and phrases are an outstanding for valentines sarcasm Instagram caption,and funny one-liners for valentine’s day.

these funnies v day quotes are as important as Valentine Day gifts, movies, greeting cards. So do not forget too add this opportunity to make your love one special.

100 Funny Valentines Day Quotes: Love is Not Always a Bed of Roses:

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You can use these funny inspirational valentine quotes for a family member, spouse or yourself for Instagram, Facebook posts or tweet about it.

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Valentine’s Day Quotes Funny

Valentine’s Day is a special day too express your love and appreciation for your special someone. It is a time to share funny and sweet quotes that capture the essence of the holiday.

Whether you’re looking for clever valentine’s day sayings to write in a card or a funny post for social media, here are some of the best Valentine’s Day quotes to make your loved one laugh.

valentine's day quotes funny sayings

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford

“I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.” — Tracy Smith

“Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.” —Anonymous

“Valentine, just a few words to tell you how I love you. I have loved you since the first day I saw you. Whenever that was.” ― Charles M. Schulz

“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” — Henny Youngman

“Without Valentine’s Day, February would be…well, January.” — Jim Gaffigan

valentine's day quotes funny memes

“A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” — Lucille Ball

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni

“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” — Tim Allen

“Love is a grave mental illness.” — Plato

“Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.” — Phyllis Schlafly

Funny love quotes

“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” — Chelsea Handler

“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

“Love is blind—marriage is the eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason

Funny Valentine’s Quotes for Him and Her

Valentine’s Day is a special time to celebrate the love between two people, and what better way to show your affection than with a funny Valentine’s Day quote for him and her?

Whether you’re looking for a sweet and romantic sentiment or something a bit more humorous, these romantic funny inspirational Valentine’s Day quotes for him and her will add some fun to your celebration.

“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” — Dolly Parton

“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” — Jenny Han

“A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.” — Dax Shepard

Funny Valentine's Cards

“True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.” — Mindy Kaling

“One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.” — Oscar Wilde

“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” — Jerry Seinfeld

“Can officially confirm that the way to a man’s heart these days is not through beauty, food, sex, or alluringness of character, but merely the ability to seem not very interested in him.” — Bridget Jones’s Diary

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner

“By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing—and then marry him.” — Cher

Funny Valentine Quotes JoJo

“I married for love. But the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find your glasses cannot be ignored.” — Cameron Esposito

“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“The great question which I have not been able to answer… is, ‘What does a woman want?’ — Freud

“Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from.” — Nora Ephron

Funny Valentine’s Cards

i love you for your personality but that dick is really nice bonus

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i have tested positive for loving you

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i wish i were an octopus

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your farts nearly kill me but i love you

Rude Valentines Day Card for Him, Funny Farts Anniversary Card for Husband, Your Farts Nearly Kill Me But I Love You.

Short funny Valentine quotes

Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate the love between two people, and what better way to do that than with a bit of humour?

Here are some short, funny, corny Valentine quotes that are sure to bring a smile to your sweetheart’s face:

“Love is sharing your popcorn.” — Charles Schulz

”If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.” — Fran Lebowitz

“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” — Hussein Nishah

Valentine's Day jokes for singles

”Never sign a Valentine with your own name.” — Charles Dickens

“Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.” — James Thurber

“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.” — Unknown

“Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” — Bree Luckey

“My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.”— Ray Romano

“My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.” — Rodney Dangerfield

“What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.” – Pearl Bailey

Funny Valentine’s Day Captions

Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to get creative with your captions! Whether you’re looking for something witty, Cheesy, or hilarious, there are plenty of funny Valentine’s Day captions to choose from. Here are some of our favourites:

“As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.” – Ralphie May

“Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.” — Jewish Proverb

funny valentine sayings

“Will you be my Valentine? That was a rhetorical question. We’re married.” — Unknown

“Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.” — Cathy Carlyle

“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?” — Unknown

“Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” – H. L. Mencken

“That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else.” — Sixteen Candles

“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” — Bill Maher

I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!- Jenny Han, “All The Boys I’ve Loved Before”

“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns

Cheesy Valentine's Day sayings

“Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” — Melanie White

“Love is being stupid together.” — Paul Valery

“Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.” — W. Somerset Maugham

“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.” – Oscar Wilde

”Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love” — Albert Einstein

Sarcastic Valentines Day Quotes

Valentine’s Day can be a tricky holiday for some, so it’s no surprise that many people resort to sarcasm to get through it.

Here are some cheesy, funny, sarcastic quotes that you can use to lighten the mood this Valentine’s Day:

“If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji – no matter what that emoji, they don’t love you back.” — Chelsea Peretti

“You know how people say, ‘You can’t live without love’? Well, oxygen is even more important.” – Dr. Gregory Houser

“So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea.” — King Jaffe Joffer

valentines sarcasm

“Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell

“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.” — Agatha Christie

“You’re just like bacon, beer, and chocolate – you make everything better.” — Unknown

“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” — Jackie Mason

“Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlists.” — James Garner

corny valentines day sayings

“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” – Kathy Mohnke

“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” — Dwight Schrute

Funny Valentine Quotes For Singles

Valentine’s Day can be a tricky holiday for singles, but it doesn’t have to be a downer. Celebrate your freedom and spread some good cheer with these funny Valentine’s Day quotes for singles.

“Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.” —Lewis Black

“When you’re single, all you see are happy couples. When you’re committed, all you see are happy singles.” – Unknown

sarcastic valentines day quotes

“The thing about Valentine’s day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” — Faye Morgan

“You’re never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.” — Mike Primavera

“Next February I’m going to file a lawsuit against Valentine’s Day for singles’ discrimination.” – Unknown

“Vlentine’s Day is for couples. Us singles have the other 364 days of the year to enjoy ourselves!” — Unknown

“Being single doesn’t mean no one loves you. It means that God is busy writing your love story.” – Unknown

“The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.” – Ann Landers

“Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.” – Sex and the City

“This February 14th, take a moment to laugh thoroughly at your singlehood, everybody else does!” – Unknown

“Being single doesn’t necessarily mean you’re available. Sometimes you have to put up a sign that says, “Do Not Disturb” on your heart.” – Wiz Khalifa

clever valentine's day sayings

“Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.” – Unknown

“Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you’re single and lonely then it’s called Laundry Day.” – Dane Cook

“Single is an opportunity to live life on your own terms and not apologize.” – Mandy Hale

“Being single is pretty good. It’s a nice sense of irresponsibility.” – Michael Douglas

“If lovers get half price off on Valentine’s Day, then singles should just get everything for free!” – Unknown

“I love being single. It’s almost like being rich.”— Sue Grafton

Funny Valentine Movie Quotes

Valentine’s Day is a special time to celebrate love, and what better way to do so than to share some funny Valentine movie quotes?

From classic romantic comedies to modern-day animated films, there are plenty of quotes that are sure to put a smile on your face. Here are some of the romantic, funny inspirational Valentine movie quotes we could find:

“Remember we’re madly in love, so it’s all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.” — Hunger Games

“I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for.” — Practical Magic

valentine's cheesy quotes

“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.” — The Notebook

“Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.” — The Princess Bride

“I love him for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man he almost is.” — Jerry Maguire

“I think we’re just gonna have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that.” — The Royal Tenenbaums

“I wait all day, just hoping for one more minute with you.” — City of Angels

“There are some things I know for certain: Always throw spilt salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for luck, and fall in love whenever you can.” — Practical Magic

“We don’t realize what a privilege it is to grow old with someone.” — P.S. I Love You

funny valentine's day posts

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” — When Harry Met Sally

“You’re the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning, and the only one I want to kiss goodnight.” — Definitely, Maybe

“It seems right now that all I’ve ever done in my life is making my way here to you.” — The Bridges of Madison County

Happy Valentines Day Funny

Happy Valentine’s Day is a day of celebration for couples who are in love. It’s a time to share these hilarious one-liners and sweet messages of love and appreciation, exchange gifts, and plan romantic outings.

Yay! We still like each other. Happy Valentine’s Day, beautiful.

I’d be the first to stomp on your lovely zombie head. Happy Valentine’s Day!

“Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age—as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”- Phyllis Diller

“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.”- Jarod Kintz

silly valentine sayings

“If you love them in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love them at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.”- Miles Davis

“Marriage is a wonderful invention. Then again, so is a bicycle kit.”- Billy Connolly

“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.”- Natasha Leggero

“I was married by a judge. I should’ve asked for a jury.”- Groucho Marx

“You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps.”- Roseanne Barr

“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.”- Elizabeth Taylor

witty valentines day sayings

“As a man in a relationship, you have two choices: You can be right, or you can be happy.”- Ralphie May

“I love you and I treasure you and ya bore me.”- Amy Santiago, ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’

“Love is something sent from heaven to worry the hell out of you.”- Dolly Parton

“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby—awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”- Lemony Snicket

Humour Valentines Day Quotes Funny

Valentine’s Day is a day of love and joy, and there’s no better way to spread the cheer than with some humorous quotes.

Whether you’re looking for some funny Valentine’s Day quotes to write in a card to your significant other, to share with friends, or just to make yourself chuckle, these hilarious quotes are sure to bring a smile to your face.

From classic one-liners to witty puns, these funny Valentine’s Day quotes are sure to put a smile on your face. So, grab a glass of wine, sit back, and enjoy a good laugh with these humorous Valentine’s Day quotes.

“I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.” — Chico Marx

“A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” — Lucille Ball

“I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.” — Steven Wright

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” — Billy Crystal

snarky valentines day quotes

“My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.” — Jacques Torres

“There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.” – Melanie Griffith

“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” — Carroll Bryant

“I reallyyy like you, even if my resting bitch face says otherwise!” — Unknown

“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” — Jules Renard

Funny One-Liners For Valentine’s Day

Hilarious Valentine’s Day Jokes : we’ve still got plenty of chuckle-inducing one-liners and puns, along with groan-worthy dad jokes and laughs in store—perfect to share with your Galentine squad and loved ones alike!

“Why shouldn’t you trust a pastry chef on Valentine’s Day?” “Because he’ll dessert you.”

“What do you call someone with a cold on Valentine’s Day? “Lovesick.”

“What do you give your Valentine in France?” “A big quiche.”

“Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?” “Yes, it’s February 14.”

“What did the tortoise say on Valentine’s Day?” “I turt-ally love you.”

“How did the squirrel get his Valentine’s attention?” “He acted like a nut.”

“How do you keep a jewelry store save on Valentine’s Day?” “You locket.”

“How do vampires know if they had a successful Valentine’s Day?” “If it’s love at first bite.”

“What did the man with the broken leg tell his Valentine?” “I have a crutch on you.”

“Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Bea.” “Bea who?” “Bea my Valentine!”

“How did the orca ask the other to be their Valentine? “Whale you be mine?”

sassy valentines day quotes

“Why didn’t the two dogs make serious Valentine’s Day plans? It was just puppy love”.

“Why were the forks disappointed on Valentine’s Day? All they wanted to do was spoon”.

“What did the pickle say to the other on Valentine’s Day? “You’re a big dill to me.”

“What did one cantaloupe write to the other in their Valentine’s card? “You’re one in a melon!”

Valentine’s Day Puns

Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to share a few laughs with your loved ones. Puns are always a great way to lighten the mood and add a little humor to the holiday.

From puns about chocolates and flowers to puns about love and relationships, there are plenty of creative Valentine’s Day puns to bring a smile to your special someone’s face.

For example, you could say “I only have ‘eyes’ for you this Valentine’s Day!” or “This Valentine’s day, I’m sending you a ‘bouquet’ of puns!” If you’re feeling a bit more daring, you could even make a pun about the classic line ‘Roses are red, violets are blue.’

Try something like “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m hoping you’re my Valentine too!” Whatever pun you choose, it’s sure to be a hit with your special someone this Valentine’s Day!

“If you’ll be the cash, I’ll be the rubber band”.

“You stole my heart and now you’re under cardiac arrest”.

“What do farmers give for Valentine’s Day?” “Lots of hogs and kisses.”

“What do you call a Valentine’s Day gift that didn’t arrive time?” “Choco-late.”

“What did one blueberry say to the other on Valentine’s Day?” “I love you berry much.”

“What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentine’s Day?” “You’re purr-fect for me.”

“How much candy do you hope to get this Valentine’s Day?” “A choco-LOT!”

“Are you a flame?! Because I think I found my perfect match.

“You must be a geologist because you rock my world”.

“Muffin can ever come between us”.

“What do you call a very small Valentine?” “A valen-tiny.”

“What did the ghost say to his valentine?” “You look so BOOtiful.”

funny valentine phrases

“Looking forward to spending koala-ty time together this Valentine’s Day”.

Anti-Valentines Day Quotes Funny

Anti-Valentine’s Day can be a fun way to celebrate not being in a relationship or to just joke around with friends. Here are some funny quotes to get you started:

So if you’re feeling a little lonely this Valentine’s Day, just remember that you can still have a great time without a partner. Celebrate your independence and enjoy the day with friends and family!

“A kiss may ruin a human life.” —Oscar Wilde

“Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it’s just another way to bleed.” —Laurell K. Hamilton

“The last thing you want to get addicted to is someone.” —Aruho Marvin

“Roses are red. Violets are blue. Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.” —Unknown

“You can’t give your heart to a wild thing.” —Truman Capote

cynical valentine's day quotes

“I wish I were a little girl again, because skinned knees are easier to fix than a broken heart.” —Julia Roberts

“Love is a trap. When it appears, we see only its light, not its shadows.” —Paulo Coelho

“Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.” —Lynda Barry

“The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose.” — Jo Coudert

funny v day quotes

“Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.” — Sex and the City

“We fall in love when our imagination projects nonexistent perfection upon another person. One day, the fantasy evaporates and with it, love dies.” — Jose Ortega y Gasset

Final thoughts on Funny V-day Quotes for Him and Her

I hope, you have found Funny V-Day Love Sayings for 2023 and (Find the perfect words about love for girlfriend, boyfriends, wife, husband, family member, spouse or friends, yourself) written to help you find the perfect Valentine’s Day Card ideas to write and help to kick off your celebrations with a smile!

If you’re sending Funny Valentine Sayings, Quotes, and Captions, go with something funny and romantic that reflects love and feelings you have thus is valentine day facts.

we’ve compiled Happy Valentine’s Day wishes and Valentine Day messages in advance to Everyone You Love. These Valentine’s Day messageswill perfectly capture the love you have for all the special people in your life.

Additional Reading:

  1. 12 Anti-Valentine’s Day Quotes For People Who Are So Over This Mushy Holiday. (n.d.). Bustle. Retrieved February 2, 2023, from https://www.bustle.com/articles/140065-12-anti-valentines-day-quotes-for-people-who-are-so-over-this-mushy-holiday
  2. 45 Hilarious Memes That Describe How You Really Feel About Valentine’s Day. (2022, December 16). Seventeen. https://www.seventeen.com/life/friends-family/a26576/funny-anti-valentines-day-memes/
  3. 100 Cute and Sweet Valentine’s Day Instagram Captions. (2022, November 30). Good Housekeeping. https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidays/valentines-day-ideas/a25952395/valentines-day-captions/
  4. 100 of the Funniest Valentine’s Day Quotes to Make Your Honey LOL | Parade: Entertainment, Recipes, Health, Life, Holidays. (n.d.). Parade.com. Retrieved February 1, 2023, from https://parade.com/.amp/986706/marynliles/funny-valentines-day-quotes/
  5. Liles, M. (n.d.). 75 Single on Valentine’s Day Quotes for Women Flying Solo. Parade: Entertainment, Recipes, Health, Life, Holidays. Retrieved February 1, 2023, from https://parade.com/986066/marynliles/single-on-valentines-day-quotes/
  6. Lowin, R. (2023, January 9). You’ll Make Your Favorite Person Laugh With These Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes. The Pioneer Woman. https://www.thepioneerwoman.com/holidays-celebrations/g38486889/funny-valentines-day-quotes/?slide=1
  7. Parenting, Baby Names, Celebrities, and Royal News | CafeMom.com. (n.d.). Cafemom.com. Retrieved February 2, 2023, from https://cafemom.com/entertainment/168113-15_romantic_quotes_for_valentines/113329-the_greatest_thing_youll_ever
  8. Share These Funny Valentine’s Day Puns with Someone You Dig a *Hole* Lot. (2023, January 10). The Pioneer Woman. https://www.thepioneerwoman.com/holidays-celebrations/a35132710/valentines-day-puns/
  9. There’s Nothing Sweeter Than These Kid-Friendly Valentine’s Day Jokes. (2023, January 29). Country Living. https://www.countryliving.com/life/entertainment/a30502343/valentines-day-jokes/
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