Make your motherhood amazing with these collections of funny baby quotes!

I know it is not easy to be a mother And it is not always fun. But you will remember these days as your kids grow older. So read these funny baby quotes for new parents. And enjoy your time with your baby.   I have added funny baby quotes with pictures so, You can use these baby quotes for your Instagram or social media.

Below you will find my collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny baby quotes, funny baby sayings, and funny baby proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

ALSO READ: 90 best Baby Quotes To Share The Love

Funny Baby Quotes For New Parents

Some pretty funny mom and dads give the best funny baby quotes for new parents. Which I found in different places. So here we have compiled awesome pictures of cute babies with funny quotes that will make you laugh and happy. You can even share these cute baby pics with your loved ones who love spending time with babies.

funny baby quotes for Instagram
  1. Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Tina Fey 
  2. Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park that is.
  3. A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase.
  4. Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething. ~ Mark Twain
  5. I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food. ~ Robert Orben
  6. Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch. Jon Stewart
  7. Sarabi: Your son is awake. Mufasa: Before sunrise, he’s your son. The Lion King
  8. A crying baby is the best form of birth control. Carole Tabron
  9. If parenthood came with a GPS, it would mostly say “recalculating”. Simon Holland
  10. Need to wake up your baby? Quietly go into your room and rest your head on your pillow.
  11. My husband and I share the load. I breastfeed because he can’t and he sleeps because I cant.
  12. Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years, I spent without a child, of course. Ryan Reynolds
  13. Having children is like living in a frat house: nobody sleeps, everything’s broken and there’s a lot of throwing up. Ray Romano
  14. It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t. Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
  15. When I was born I was so mad at my parents that I didn’t talk to them for 2 years.
  16. “Don’t ever tell the mother of a newborn that her baby’s smile is just gas.” — Jill Woodhull
  17. “Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.” — Nia Vardalos
  18. “The only things kids wear out faster than their shoes are their parents.” — John J. Plomp
  19.  “Welcome to parenthood, where your favorite new game will be ‘guess that bodily fluid.’” — Unknown
  20. “There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you.” — Peter De Vries
  21. “You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. — Franklin P. Jones
  22. Good moms have sticky floors, messy kitchens, laundry piles, dirty ovens, and happy kids. (unknown)
  23. No matter which kid’s book I read to my screaming baby on an airplane, the moral of the story is always something about a vasectomy. Ryan Reynolds
  24. How could something so small create so much of something so disgusting? Steve Guttenberg in Three Men and a Baby
  25. That awkward moment when your mom sniffs your butt in front of your friends.
  26. If you want to know what it’s like to have a 4th kid, just imagine you are drowning and someone hands you a 4th kid. Jim Gaffigan
  27. Nothing better than spending an entire morning staring into my baby daughter’s eyes, whispering, “I can’t do this”. Ryan Reynolds
  28. Having an infant son alerts me to the fact that every man, at one point, has peed on his own face. Olivia Wilde
  29. I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like my husband.
  30. Having a baby is like suddenly getting the world’s worst roommate. Anne Lamott
  31. You never know when you’re gonna get crapped on or when you’re gonna get a big smile or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics. It might be like living with a drug addict. Blake Lively
  32. None of it is real until all of a sudden they’re standing there covered in slime and crying. You’re like, wait a minute, what is that? George Clooney
  33. Congrats…you’ll soon live in a madhouse run by a tiny army you created yourself
  34. Welcome to parenthood where going to the grocery store by yourself is now considered a vacation.
  35. Parenthood: the scariest hood you’ll ever go through.
  36. “Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.” — Carol Burnett
  37. “24/7. Once you sign on to be a mother, that’s the only shift they offer!” — Jodi Picoult
  38. “Sleep when your baby sleeps. Everyone knows this classic tip, but I say why stop there? Scream when your baby screams. Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl. And walk around pantsless when your baby walks around pantsless.” — Tina Fey
  39. “I’m a walking zombie and I think I’m going to be like that for a while.” — Tiffani Thiessen
  40. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” — Milton Berle
  41. “In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced on television.” — Erma Bombeck
  42. “A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.” — Maurice Johnston
  43. “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” —Lane Olinghouse

Funny Baby Quotes For Boys

Babies are a great source of enjoyment as their every action is full of charm. A cute baby image with funny quote is an amazing thing to share with your loved ones to make them laugh.  

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  1. “Having an infant son alerts me to the fact that every man, at one point, has peed on his own face.” —  Olivia Wilde
  2. “When I was born I was so mad at my parents that I didn’t talk to them for two years.” — Unknown
  3. “How could something so small create so much of something so disgusting?” —    Steve Guttenberg in Three Men and a Baby
  4. “So, I don’t breathe through my nose, I totally plug my nose, ‘Oh my god, cute baby! So cute.’ And then, I have these wipes and I wipe and I wipe — I wipe too much. At this point they’re going all over the baby, I make sure there’s nothing even around the baby. Then I put this diaper rash thing on that I also use, so I save money.” — Jimmy Fallon
  5. My fingers may be small, but I’ve got daddy (mom, my parents) wrapped around them. (unknown)
  6. There is only one pretty child in the world – and every mother has it! (Chinese proverb)
  7. Although there are many trial marriages there is no such thing as a trial child. (Gail Sheehy)
  8. The most precious jewels, you’ll ever have around your neck, are the arms of your children.
  9. “Make no mistake about why these babies are here—they are here to replace us.” —Jerry Seinfeld
  10. 50% Mommy, 50% Daddy”: 100% Perfect
  11. Here’s to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. And may we raise them. 

Funny Baby Quotes For Girls

If we talk about baby quotes but do not talk about quotes for girls then it will not be fair. Lets read funny baby quotes for girls.

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  1. “A daughter is one of the most beautiful gifts this world has to give.”– Laurel Atherton
  2. “A daughter is one of the most beautiful gifts this world has to give.”– Laurel Atherton
  3. “She is the exclamation point in the happiest sentence I could ever write”
  4. “Baby girls are precious gifts like birds and brooks and streams…their hair is tied up with ribbons and bows…their hearts are tied up with dreams.”– Unknown
  5. “A toddling little girl is a center of common feeling which makes the most dissimilar people understand each other.” – George Eliot
  6. “No matter what the moment, a baby girl will always render sunshine in your life with her adorable smile.” –Unknown
  7. “Let her sleep, for when she wakes she will move mountains.” – Napoleon
  8. “There is no better feeling than watching your baby girl break into laughter.” – Unknown
  9. “Always remember, you are braver than you believe, stronger than you think, and loved more than you know.” – A A Milne
  10. “It’s extraordinary to look into your baby girl’s face and see a piece of your flesh and your spirit.” – Unknown
  11. “A baby girl would dance her way into your heart, whirling on the tips of angel wings, scattering gold dust and kisses in your path.” – Unknown
  12. “Baby girls are precious gifts, wrapped in love serene. Their dresses tied with sashes and futures tied with dreams.” – Unknown
  13. “Though she be but little, she is fierce.” – Shakespeare
  14. “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” – Les Brown
  15. “Don’t let anyone ever dull your sparkle.” – Unknown
  16. “Here sleeps a girl with a head full of magical dreams, a heart full of wonder and hands that will shape the world.” – Anonymous
  17. “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is you-er than you.” – Dr. Seuss
  18. “She leaves a little sparkle wherever she goes.” – Kate Spade
  19. “You are altogether beautiful my darling, beautiful in every way.” – Song of Songs 4:7
  20. “When you have a baby girl, you realize that there is something far more precious than the most precious jewels.”– Unknown
  21. “A baby daughter is always a Daddy’s girl and Mommy’s world”!
  22. “A daughter is a treasure – and a cause of sleeplessness.”– Ben Sirach
  23. “A daughter is a miracle that never ceases to be miraculous…full of beauty and forever beautiful…loving and caring and truly amazing.”–Deanna Beisser
  24. “A daughter is one of the most beautiful gifts this world has to give.”– Laurel Atherton
  25. “Like star dust glistening on fairies’ wings, little girls are made of magical things.” – Unknown
  26. “A tiny daughter gives parents a life in a climate of perpetual wonder.” – Pierre Doucet
  27. “Beauty is a radiance that originates from within and comes from inner security and strong character.” – Jane Seymour
  28. “Daughters are love coming from a mother vine.” – Unknown

Funny Baby Sayings

Babies are simply irresistible and you cannot find a single word fit to describe them as a whole! That is where baby quotes come in; they sum up and put into phrases different ways to describe adorable babies. Quotes and sayings for baby are used especially during special occasions made for them to show happiness and feelings for having such blessing in the family.

Funny baby face quotes
  1. I can’t decide if I want a baby. My friends are like, ‘Oh, you’ll learn this great stuff, like how to survive on two hours’ sleep.’ If I want to learn that I’ll just become a political prisoner. Cathryn Michon
  2. Having a baby is like having an eight-pound to-do list. Every moment of the day is filled with something to feed, wipe, bathe, or put down. Kathleen Laccinole
  3. I used to be excellent. Now that I have a baby and I couldn’t tell you what day it is. Gwyneth Paltrow
  4. I’ve got two wonderful children— and two out of five ain’t bad. Henry Youngman
  5. Children: You spend the first two years of their life teaching them how to walk and talk. The next sixteen? Spent telling them to sit down and shut up. Manhardeep Singh
  6. A baby is a blank check made payable to the human race. Barbara Christine Seifert
  7. Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. – Tina Fey

Funny Baby Face Quotes or Memes

Imagine what your baby might say if your baby was able to talk and had a great sense of humor with these funny baby sayings.

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Funny baby shower quotes

Laughter is the best medicine and these funny baby shower quotes are just what the doctor ordered. Show off your witty side with these baby quotes.

  1. I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.-Joan Rivers
  2. “Here comes trouble!”
  3. “People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”-Leo Burke
  4. “When your first baby drops her pacifier you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog, “Fetch!”-Bruce Lansky
  5. “A baby’s an inestimable blessing and bother.”-Mark Twain
  6. “Babies are always more trouble than you thought anda more wonderful.”-Charles Osgood
  7. “What is home without children? Quiet.”-Henny Youngman
  8. “Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold the baby and I can go out.”-Matthew Broderick
  9. “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”-Elizabeth Stone
  10. “The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.”-Kin Hubbard

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