This Christmas 2022 we’ve gathered the Best Funny Christmas Quotes.
We’ve got the perfect Funny Christmas quotes including, Funny Christmas quotes from movies, Funny Christmas quotes for teacher, grinch Funny Christmas quotes, Funny Christmas quotes for card, Funny Christmas quotes for wife, husband, dad, mom, siter, brother, boyfriend, girlfriend and Funny Christmas quotes for boss, co-worker,
Did you just have the most amazing time at Christmas and are now looking for Cute Merry Christmas Wishes for Instagram, inspiration or decorations?
You know what, Christmas is not complete without these Christmas prayers, Christmas movies, Christmas wishes too.
Here you will find, Christmas wishes, quotes, sayings, and captions Ideas for mom, dad, family, friends, husband, wife boyfriend, girlfriend (couple), father-in-law, mother-in-law or any other person whom you want to wish happy Christmas. Do not forget to Christmas messages for son, daughter, nephew, children, boss, co-workers.
If you like Christmas quotes, then check out our lists of Short Christmas Quotes, Funny Christmas Quotes, Cute Christmas Quotes, Christmas Family Quotes, Christmas Tree Quotes, Christmas Quotes for Friends, Christmas Sayings, Christmas Wishes, Funny Christmas Wishes, Funny Christmas Captions, Cute Christmas Captions, and Christmas Tree Captions.
You might also want to check out our Christmas Gifts Ideas.
Table of Contents
Best Funny Christmas Quotes
“Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home.” – Carol Nelson
“Santa Claus has the right idea: Visit people once a year.” – Victor Borge
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” – Elf
“Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.” – Charles M. Schulz
“Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.” – Anonymous
“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz
“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” – Garrison Keillor
“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde
“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Unknown
“Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.” – Calvin Coolidge
Funny Christmas quotes from movies
“The one thing about a holiday, I don’t care where it falls in the calendar – it’s a break from the rat race.” – Jack Skellington, The Nightmare Before Christmas
“You serious Clark? You can’t fly a kite in this family without someone getting electrocuted.” – Clark Griswold, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
“Christmas? But it’s the middle of July!” – Buddy, Elf
“Merry Christmas. What’s Christmas? It’s the time of year when everybody stops being nasty.” – The Grinch, How the Grinch Stole Christmas
“Christmas isn’t just a day, it’s a frame of mind.” -Miracle on 34th Street
“Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” – The Grinch, How the Grinch Stole Christmas
“I’m sorry I ruined Christmas. I’m sorry about the reindeer.” – Ralphie, A Christmas Story
“I don’t know, but it’s been said, no good deed goes unpunished.” – Jack Skellington, The Nightmare Before Christmas
“Maybe the snowglobe was a signal to me, that all I have to do is just believe.” – Buddy, Elf
“Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together.” – Clark Griswold, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
Funny Christmas jokes
1.Q: What do you call an elf who sings?
A: A wrapper!
2.Q: What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
A: This one’s gonna sleigh you!
3.Q: What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A: Quit hanging around!
4.Q: What do you call Santa when he’s taking a nap?
A: Saint Nappin’
5.Q: What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
A: An ice burger and a slushie!
6.Q: What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when he was running late?
A: “You’d better ho-ho-hurry up!”
7.Q: What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A: A cookie sheet!
8.Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
A: “Dam!”
9.Q: Why was the elf so bad at basketball?
A: He was always in foul elf!
10.Q: Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A: A mince spy!
Short and Funny Quotes for Christmas
”Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” — Gary Allan
”It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales.”— Milton Berle
“Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.”— Charles M. Schulz
“It’s easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.” — Craig Ferguson
“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” — Henny Youngman
”The main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin
“Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer.” – Catherine Tate
“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin. — Winston Spear
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” — Johnny Carson
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” — Phyllis Diller
“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” — Bridger Winegar
“Do you know why so many people love Jesus? Without Jesus, no Christmas.” — Melanie White
Grinch Funny Christmas quotes
“The Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but at least he didn’t steal the wrapping paper.”
“The Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but he could never steal our holiday spirit.”
“The Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but he’s not going to get away with stealing our joy!”
“The Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but he can’t steal the fun of decorating the tree!”
“The Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but he can’t steal the holiday cheer!”
“The Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but he can’t steal our Christmas spirit!”
“The Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but he won’t be able to steal our Christmas carols!”
“The Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but he can’t take away our Christmas cookies!”
“The Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but he couldn’t take away the love that comes with it!”
“The Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but he can never take away our holiday cheer!
Funny Christmas Instagram Quotes
Christmas Instagram quotes Captions Inspired by Movie Quotes,
“Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.” — It’s a Wonderful Life
“We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It’s run by a big Eastern syndicate, you know.” — A Charlie Brown Christmas
“Looks great. Little full, lotta sap.” — Christmas Vacation
“I believe, I believe. It’s silly but I believe.” — Miracle on 34th Street
“First we’ll make snow angels for two hours, then we’ll go ice skating, then we’ll eat a whole roll of Toll House® cookie dough as fast as we can, and then to finish, we’ll snuggle.” — Elf
“The Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. Maybe Christmas, he thought … doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps … means a little bit more!” — How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)
“Christmas was on its way. Lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas, upon which the entire kid year revolved.” — A Christmas Story
“Treat every day like Christmas.” — Elf
“It’s Christmas Eve. It’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year we are the people that we always hoped we would be.” — Scrooged
“You stink. You smell like beef and cheese, you don’t smell like Santa.” — Elf
“Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.” — Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
“Christmas isn’t just a day, it’s a frame of mind.” — Miracle on 34th Street
“Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can’t see.” — The Polar Express
“You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.” — A Christmas Story
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” — Elf
“That’s what Christmas memories are made from. They’re not planned, they’re not scheduled, nobody puts them in their Blackberry. They just happen.” — Deck the Halls
“I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year.” — A Christmas Carol
Cute Funny Quotes About Christmas
“This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.” – Guy Endore Kaiser
”Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.” — Stephen Fry
“Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever.” – Richelle Goodrich
“I just want to be rich enough to buy enough ornaments to cover more than one side of the tree.” — Charlotte Christmas
“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” — Garrison Keillor
“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘Toys not included.’” — Bernard Manning
“I never get to see Santa Claus come down the chimney because I always get too tired and fall asleep from eating all his cookies while waiting for him. — Theodore W. Higginsworth
“You can just hear Santa saying ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ when you receive your credit card statement in January.” — Kate Summers
“The older I get, the fewer useless gifts I get. The fewer I get, the less I have to wrap to re-gift for next Christmas.” — Robert Rivers
“Of course Santa is dead. You force a guy to eat a billion cookies in one night, what do you think is going to happen?” — Jimmy Kimmel
“I left Santa gluten-free cookies and organic soy milk and he put a solar panel in my stocking.” — Earthman Adam
Funny Christmas Card Quotes and Sayings
Here is a collection of 20 Best Christmas sayings for cards to share your joy
May Christmas warm your heart the whole year long!
“Santa is real if we believe. Bringing you the gift of a little magic this Christmas Eve.”
Good tidings to you and happy Christmas for today and all the Christmases to come.
“Remember when? Keep Christmas close and the memories will flood you like a tide of joy.”
Noel! Peace and joy to you this Christmastime!
“Sure, Christmas is for kids, but luckily the holiday spirit makes children of us all.”
Let the magic of Christmas bring love and peace to you and to the world.
“Love each day as if it were Christmas and you will always be joyful!”
Allow peace into your heart this Christmas, and may the new year be a time to rejoice.
“Christmas is a special time when doubts and fears are melted away with love and hope. We love you and wish you all the best this holiday season.”
As the tree is evergreen, let the spirit of Christmas ever warm our hearts.
“Sing, dance, rejoice in song – and treat yourself and others with kindness this Christmas.”
“Isn’t it amazing to think that people are celebrating Christmas just like this, around the world, all at the same time… but none of them have you!”
Christmas isn’t about what you receive – it’s about the love that you give.
“Everything is simply more meaningful at Christmas. I’m so glad you are here to help me rejoice and feel the love of the season.”
The most wonderful gift I can receive this Christmas is to celebrate with you.
“There is nothing quite like Christmas – the celebration, the decoration, and the pure excitement. Follow your joy this holiday season and in the new year.”
With love and good tidings to you this Christmas and a joyous new year!
“Christmas warms the soul and tickles the heart – I’m so glad we can celebrate together!”
Let the magic of Christmas bring you back to when you were a child, and let that innocence be a balm to your worries.
Funny Christmas Eve Quotes
Check out these funny Christmas Eve quotes to Keep You Laughing Through the Holidays.
“May you never be too grown up to search the skies on Christmas eve.” – Anon
“Even as an adult, I still find it hard to sleep on Christmas Eve.” – Carrie Latet
“Christmas Eve, a perfect night to express affection for your family, to forgive those who failed you, and to forget past mistakes.”
“All is calm, all is bright.” Whoever wrote Silent Night clearly hasn’t been to our house on Christmas Eve.” – Unknown
“What Eve is like the Christmas Eve?… In any land, A day so grand – So pure as Christmas Day.” – Louis Charles
“The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: ‘Some assembly required.’” – John Leo
“T’was the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.” – Clement C. Moore
Funny Christmas Quotes About Family
These funny Christmas quotes for family will make you smile. Also check out our full lists of Funny Christmas Quotes, Funny Family Quotes, Funny Sibling Quotes and Funny Short Quotes.
”A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.” — Melanie White
“Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.” — Charles M. Schulz
”Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” — Melanie White
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” — Victor Borge
“It’s that special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones.” — Jimmy Kimmel
“Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even if you’re home.” — Carol Nelson
“My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in.” — Leslie ‘Les’ Dawson, Jr.
“The best Christmas present I got from my husband was a week to do whatever I wanted.” — Olivia Haigh Williams
“My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” — Melanie White
“As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December’s bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same.” — Donald E. Westlake
“I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.” — Steven Wright
Funny Christmas Tree Quotes
If you want to add a bit of humor to your next post try one of these funny Christmas tree quotes for Instagram from our list of Best Christmas Tree Quotes.
“You, me, and the Christmas tree. Picked, purchased, and pruned.” – Max Lucado
“Christmas tree stands are the work of the devil and they want you dead.” – Bill Bryson
“I was only kicking down the Christmas tree to get the star on top.” – Ray Bradbury
“Not everyone who sells Christmas trees believes in Santa Claus.” – Matt Barr
“The Christmas tree, twinkling with lights, had a mountain of gifts piled up beneath it, like offerings to the great god of excess.” – Tess Gerritsen
“I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” – Maya Angelou
“Taking down the Christmas tree makes it feel official: time to get back to joyless and cynical.” – Greg Fitzsimmons
“Christmas tree stands are the work of the devil and they want you dead.” – Bill Bryson
“I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that crap. I think it’s a healthy outlet for them. If they weren’t covering their lawns with twinkling lights, they’d be doing something that was really, really creepy.” – Lewis Black
“There is something about spending Christmas alone, naked, sitting by the Christmas tree gripping a shotgun, that lets you know your life is spinning dangerously outta control.” – Nikki Sixx
“Biceps are like ornaments on a Christmas tree.” – Ed Coan
Last Funny Quotes on Christmas
here are our last funny quotes on Christmas.
“Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.” – Richard Lamm
“Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? It’s like, ‘Oh great, socks. You know I’m dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They’ll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?’” – Jim Gaffigan
“Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.” – Sean Hughes
“The ideal Christmas gift is money, but the trouble is you can’t charge it.” — Bill Vaughan
“Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.” – Lenore Hershey
“Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?” – Tom Armstrong
“I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, ‘So does the guy I stole it from.’” — David Letterman
”Christmas: It’s the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.” — Samantha Bee
”We celebrate the birth of one who told us to give everything to the poor by giving each other motorized tie racks.” — Bill McKibben
“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” — Jay Leno
Funny Christmas Messages
Here are some hilarious and funny Christmas messages and greetings that you might be looking for this Christmas.
Christmas is not only for praying and praising. But for drinking and messing around also. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Dearest God, this Christmas I planned on going green. So please get the point and send me lots of cash this Christmas. Thank you!
Yours was the most wonderful Christmas greeting of all. However, you are the one who should be filling my socks at Christmas, not my inbox!
A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum, and a kiss is not a kiss unless it’s with tongues. So open your mouth, close your eyes, and give your tongue some exercise! Merry Christmas!
The best Christmas gifts are those given from the heart. On the other hand, cash and gift cards are effective too! Merry Christmas!
Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes! Have a Wonderful Christmas!
Santa was looking at a painting of a naked woman with leaves covering her body for a long time. Santa asked what are you doing and she answered: Waiting for autumn.
There are four stages in life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.
I think Santa should hire giants instead of elves so that he can have a faster production of gifts. Have a fun Christmas!
Dear Santa, If you promise to be nice and give me everything on my list, I promise to give you the antidote to those poisonous cookies you just ate. Thank you.
Funny Christmas Wishes
I hope Santa leaves you plenty of presents, but I hope the reindeer do not leave behind any “presents” on your lawn! Merry Christmas!
I wish for your holidays to be filled with many big smiles and big celebrations – but hopefully not big credit card bills!
For some, the best part of Christmas happens…. when it’s all over! Wishing you a stress-free Christmas season!
May you have plenty of mistletoe on hand this Christmas… and lots of good kisses too!
They say the best Christmas gifts come from the heart… but cash and gift cards do wonders too! Happy Holidays!
I’ve never decked the halls and I have no idea what Jingle Bell rock is. But I hope your Christmas rocks!
It’s the most wonderful season indeed – until everything has to be cleaned up, and the credit card bill arrives.
If I were to re-write the “12 Days of Christmas,” I would include things like chocolate, cocktails, and fancy dinners instead of French hens and turtle doves.
It seems that the Christmas season keeps getting earlier each year. If it gets any earlier, Halloween is going to feel offended.
Sometimes I feel like I should leave my Christmas decorations up all year; it seems that by the time I take them down, it’s time to put them back up again!
Funny Christmas Sayings
Funny Christmas Quotes and Sayings to Keep Your Spirits Bright. Make the family laugh with these short quotes.
“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.”
”Christmas is a race to see which gives out first—your money or your feet.”
”A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing.”
“People really act weird at Christmas time! What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts and sweets out of your socks?”
“Dear Santa, before I explain, how much do you know already?”
“Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear.”
“Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.”
“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.”
“I’m only a morning person on December 25th.”
“Once you stop believing in Santa, you get underwear for Christmas.”
Funny Christmas Captions
Funny Christmas Instagram captions to make your grid merry and bright.
Sleigh, what?!
Snow time like the present.
All the jingle ladies.
Oh deer.
Have your elf a merry Christmas.
On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prosecco, on Whiskey! On Donner, on Bourbon and now I’m Blitzen!
Dear Santa, I tried. Can we talk?
Let’s skip the presents and get right to the cookies.
May you never be too grown up to ask other people for gift cards.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure “socks” were not on my list.
Do they make red reindeer noses in LED bulbs? Asking for a friend.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Unless you’re at the mall. Then it’s a different story altogether.
Let’s just say that the Christmas tree isn’t the only thing getting lit this year.
Forget the garland, I’m in it for the swag.
On the naughty list. Sorry, not sorry.
There’s only one Christmas spirit and I just poured it into a glass.
Does Santa’s workshop offer 1-day delivery?
Dysfunctional family motto: Have yourself a scary little Christmas.
Christmas rules: No early arrivers. No late stayers.
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but rosé will do in a pinch.
If the holidays were “fun” then there’d be no such thing as therapy.
Santa called. Let’s just say you’re on one of the lists.
The only tree I’m putting up this year grows money.
It’s the gift that counts, not the thought.
Christmas: The one time of year a home invasion is encouraged.
Jingle bills, jingle bills, all I do is pay.
Short Funny Christmas quotes for cards
“Christmas isn’t just a day, it’s a frame of mind.” – Miracle on 34th Street
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” – Elf
“It’s beginning to look a lot like cocktails.”
“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people once a year.” – Victor Borge
“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz
“Without bells, snowflakes would be just another flurry.”
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple
“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?” – Bob Hope
“My love for you is like a jingle bell that just won’t stop ringing.”
“Christmas isn’t a season. It’s a feeling.” – Edna Ferber
Last thoughts on Funny Merry Christmas Quotes.
I hope you found best Funny Christmas quotes and sayings to put a smile on your face. They include Funny Christmas Instagram quotes, short and Funny quotes or Christmas, Funny Christmas quotes from movies, cute and Funny quotes about Christmas, Funny Christmas card quotes and sayings, Funny Christmas Eve quotes, Funny Christmas quotes about family, Funny Christmas tree quotes, Funny Christmas messages, Funny Christmas wishes, and Funny Christmas sayings.
If you are having trouble figuring out, what should I Caption my Valentines Post? then let us inspire you with these Valentine Day Funny to Romantic messages. Creating Valentine’s Day cards that say “Happy Valentine to love one” or other Valentine’s Day messages for boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, husband, wife, friend, and family is a wonderful way to express your love. if you’re wondering, “What is the best message for Valentine’s Day in advance?” you don’t need to panic!
Before you start thinking, “What is best Valentine’s Gifts for Him?” “What do I get the man that has everything?” How can I surprise my man on Valentine’s Day? do not worry, we have you covered.
This list Valentine’s Gifts for Him, your husband, boyfriend, dad, father-in-law or any other man who has your heart.
I have gathered dozens of amazing Valentine’s Gifts for Him under $10-50, timeframes (last-minute gifts on Amazon, FTW) and relationship statuses.
If you are celebrating your first Valentine’s Day as boyfriend and girlfriend then go for the cute couples gift.
Or you can buy a personalized print to capture your life as Mr. and Mrs And if you’re in a long-distance relationship, send him a subscription box to his door each month to continuously show your love from afar.
it’s time to check out our Valentines day to welcome this most festive of months.
Let us know in the comments below if we missed any Funny Christmas quotes for card for cards that should be added.
