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Table of Contents
Dad Jokes for fathers Day
We can’t help but laugh at Dad’s jokes, no matter how corny or ridiculous they are. Whenever you ask your father a question, you can almost always count on getting a smart response.
We gathered 150+ Father’s Day jokes – you know, stuff dads say, ridiculous comebacks from fathers – to honor dads this year, since it wouldn’t be a funny Father’s Day without jokes.
“Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?” “In case they get a hole in one!”
“My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.”
My son wants 50 percent of my Father’s Day gifts. He says if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even be a father.
“Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.”
Happy Fathers Day, Dad! I wouldn’t trade you for anything. Of course, nobody’s offered me anything.
“What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?” “They’re both Paris sites.”
I asked my Dad to help me with my homework. He said, “Sure, son. That’s a piece of cake.” I said, “No, it’s an assignment.”
“What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?” “Sophisticated.”
Teacher: When is the boiling point reached? Daughter: When my father sees my report card.
“How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?” “You follow the fresh prints.”
Joe: What does your father do for a living? Jon: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half. Joe: Do you have any brothers or sisters? Jon: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
- “If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?” “Pilgrims.”
- Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag, he replies, “No, just leave it in the carton!”
- “I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.”
- My son said, “I’ll call you later.” I said, “Don’t call me, later. Call me, Dad.”
- “What do you call a factory that makes okay products?” “A satisfactory.”
- A small boy was at the zoo with his father. They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were.
- “Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…” “Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him.“…Which bus would I take home?”
- “Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.”
- “What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?” “Supplies!”
- “Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.”
- “What did the ocean say to the beach?” “Nothing, it just waved.”
- “Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?” “Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.”
- “I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.”
- “How does the moon cut his hair?” “Eclipse it.”
- “What did one wall say to the other?” “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
- “What did the zero say to the eight?” “That belt looks good on you.”
- “A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘Hey, bartender. I’ll have one beer and a mop.’”
- “Where do fruits go on vacation?” “Pear-is!”
Dad Jokes to Tell on Father’s Day
Although not all fathers like sports, alcohol, or fly fishing, you’d be hard pushed to find one who doesn’t enjoy a corny dad joke. Even if the countless riddles, puns, and one-liners make you cringe, there’s no better way to honour Father’s Day than by sharing your own dad joke.
“I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.”
Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
“What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?” “Where’s Pop Corn?”
Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
“What’s the best thing about Switzerland?” “I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.”
What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim? Alphawetical.
“What does a sprinter eat before a race?” “Nothing, they fast!”
What’s the name of a very polite, European body of water? Merci.
“Where do you learn to make a banana split?” “Sundae school.”
Why was the color green notoriously single? It was always so jaded.
- “What has more letters than the alphabet?” “The post office!”
- I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
- “Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!”
- Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
- “What do you call a poor Santa Claus?” “St. Nickel-less.”
- How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
- “I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.”
- Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
- “Where do boats go when they’re sick?” “To the boat doc.”
- Why did the bedding hide their relationship? They just wanted something pillow-key!
- “I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.”
- You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, but what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European.
- “My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!”
- Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.
- “How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.”
- What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle? They rose.
- “Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.”
- Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
- “I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.”
- What’s a crafty dancer’s favorite hobby? Cutting a rug.
- “What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.”
- How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.
- “Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!”
- What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
- “Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.”
- What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
- “What did one hat say to the other?” “Stay here! I’m going on ahead.”
- Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot.
- “Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.”
Funny Dad Jokes
It’s common known that All dads enjoy a good corny joke; all they have to do is get everyone rolling their eyes, cringing, and laughing, after all, isn’t that what we adore them for? So you already know he’ll enjoy these funny Father’s Day cards — which will you select this year?
“Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”
Why would doors do well on social media? Everyone looks for their handles.
“Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.”
“What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?” “Yellow!”
Which bathroom appliance would be the worst life preserver? The sink.
“This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.”
Why was the dad sitting on a pack of playing cards? His kid asked him to sit on the deck.
“What kind of car does an egg drive?” “A yolkswagen.”
What kind of bird is always getting hurt? The owl.
“Dad, can you put the cat out?” “I didn’t know it was on fire.”
- What’s either a really gross animal issue OR an impressive, magical school? Hogwarts.
- “How do you make 7 even?” “Take away the s.”
- What did the dishwasher say to the oven after a productive day? “You’ve been on fire!”
- “How does a taco say grace?” “Lettuce pray.”
- Why did the cashier rip money in half? They were asked to break a bill.
- “What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.”
- What did one furniture maker say to another during a tense discussion? “Let’s table this.”
- “Why didn’t the skeleton climb the mountain?” “It didn’t have the guts.”
- Why was the ghost so tired? He worked the graveyard shift.
- “What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?” “A meltdown.”
- Why do pancakes always win at baseball? They have the best batter.
- “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.”
- Why couldn’t the couple get married at the library? It was all booked up.
- “I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.”
- What did the air conditioner say when it met a celebrity? “I’m a big fan.”
- “What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!”
- What was Sherlock Holmes’ favorite protein source? Mystery meat.
- “What does a bee use to brush its hair?” “A honeycomb!”
- What did the dryer say to the boring duvet cover that just got out of the washer? “Don’t be such a wet blanket.”
- “How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.”
- Why was the cow such a heartthrob on the farm? He was a s-moo-th talker.
- “Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!”
- What’s a writer’s favorite train station? Penn Station.
- “What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.”
- What was said about the messy, angry man who was eating a can of Pringles? “He’s got a chip on his shoulder.”
- “My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punchline.”
- What part of the museum makes everyone sneeze? The sta-tues.
- “What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!”
- What’s it called when kittens get stuck in a tree? A cat-astrophe.
- “How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.”
- What did the baker say when she won an award? “It was a piece of cake.”
- “How did Harry Potter get down the hill?” “Walking. JK! Rowling.
Best Dad Joke Puns for Father’s Day Card
Over the years, fatherhood has evolved dramatically, but one thing has remained constant: the dad joke.
Dad Joke Puns for Father’s Day Card are more than just hilarious jokes delivered by fathers. Dad jokes connect with many sorts of stupid comedy, but they all have one thing in common: they’re both corny and hilarious.
- “What do you call a fake noodle?” “An impasta.”
- “What do you call a belt made of watches?” “A waist of time.”
- “What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street?” “Traffic jam.”
- “What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?” “Prime mates.”
- “What do you call a pony with a sore throat?” “A little hoarse.”
- “Where do math teachers go on vacation?” “Times Square.”
- “Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.”
- “What does garlic do when it gets hot?” “It takes its cloves off.”
- “What’s a robot’s favorite snack?” “Computer chips.”
- “How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?” “Nothing, it’s on the house.”
- “Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.”
- “What do clouds wear?” “Thunderwear.”
- “Why are piggy banks so wise?” “They’re filled with common cents.”
- Q: Why did the onion get flustered?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
- “Why is Peter Pan always flying?” “He neverlands.”
- Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed get off the hill?
A: It was on a roll.
- “How do you get a good price on a sled?” “You have toboggan.”
- Q: What did the baby corn ask mama corn?
A: Where’s my pop corn?
- “How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree?” “By its bark.”
- Q: Why didn’t the melons get married?
A: Because they cantaloupe.
- “I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.”
- Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta.
- “It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.”
- Q: Why was the robot so tired after his road trip?
A: He had a hard drive.
- “What do you call a hot dog on wheels?” “Fast food!”
- Q: What’s a computer’s favorite snack?
- “Where do young trees go to learn?” “Elementree school.”
- Q: Why did the computer have no money left?
A: Someone cleaned out its cache!
- “Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.”
- Q: What does a baby computer call his father?
- “Can February March? No, but April May!”
- Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the empire state building?
A: Of course! Buildings can’t jump.
- “How do lawyers say goodbye? We’ll be suing ya!”
- Q: Why are spiders so smart?
A: They can find everything on the web.
- “Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable.”
- Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk!
- “What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.”
- Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: 10 tickles.
- “Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants.”
- Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
- “I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.”
- Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?
A: Because he’s always spotted.
- “Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!”
- Q: What’s the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
A: Pull down his genes!
- Q: Why shouldn’t you make fun of a paleontologist?
A: Because you will get Jurasskicked.
- “When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.”
- Q. What do clouds do when they become rich?
A. They make it rain!
- “I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.”
- Q: Why can’t you trust an atom?
A: Because they make up everything.
- “What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.”
- Q. What did Mars ask Saturn?
A. Hey, can you give me a ring some time?
- Q. What kind of music do the planets listen to?
- “I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks!”
- Q: What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
- “Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.”
- Q: Which is faster, hot or cold?
A: Hot, because you can catch a cold.
- “Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.”
- Q: Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity?
A: It’s impossible to put down.
- “What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.”
- Q: How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
A: You follow the fresh prints.
- “Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.”
- Q: What do you call it when Batman skips church?
A: Christian Bale.
- Q: What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
- “What did the coffee report to the police? A mugging.”
- Q: Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
A: He’s fully recovered.
- “What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam.”
- Q: Why did the coach go to the bank?
A: To get his quarter back.
- “Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.”
- If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up, what would they be called?
- Q: Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?
A: Fo’ Drizzle.
- Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician?
A: Pick a cod, any cod.
- “If you see a crime happen at the Apple store, what does it make you?” “An Witness.
Question and Answer Dad Jokes
Use these so-bad-they’re-good finest dad jokes of all time as Father’s Day captions this year to bring a laugh to your father’s face. Of course, if you’re looking for something a little more heartfelt, we have plenty of great Question and Answer Dad Jokes to select from.
- Question: Do Dads have fun on Father’s Day?
- Question: When does Father’s Day come before St. Patrick’s Day?
Answer: In the dictionary!
- Question: What is Father’s day?
Answer: The day in June when a father remembers he hasn’t yet paid the bills for Mother’s Day.
- Question: What treat do dads like for Father’s Day?
- Question: Why didn’t dad get a Father’s Day gift on time?
Answer: It was chocoLATE.
- Question: Why shouldn’t you argue with dad on Father’s Day?
Answer: Because Father Knows Best.
- Question: How do dads look on Father’s Day?
Answer: With their eyes.
- Question: Why did Luke Skywalker refuse to fight Darth Vader?
Answer: It was Father’s Day.
- Question: What kind of music did the kids play for their dad on Father’s Day?
Answer: Pop music.
- Question: What does Mexican food do at the beach?
Answer: They Burri-toes in the sand!
- Question: Why did the kids give their dad a blanket for Father’s Day?
Answer: Because he was the coolest dad.
- Question: Who’s the loudest person on Father’s Day?
A sincere Father’s Day message from his son, daughter, or wife may truly honor him. Our collection of funny and Inspirational Father’s Day Quotes is just what you need to bring a smile on his face on this special day. Because sometimes our words are more powerful than our actions.
Surprise your Dad with a special gift and a special wish. If you can’t find the right words to wish him, keep on reading and you will find many Father’s day wishes and pick the right one for him.
This celebration is about fatherhood, so don’t forget your grandfathers…they are fathers too!
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